Failed Rockstar Club: Episode 3, Polina Kabzon

This week has really played on my mind. It has lead me to ask some searching questions about the podcast and how we approach it.  

For those of you that have listened to it, what came out during the podcast shocked everyone, I am sure.  What Polina has been through in her life, and with her family is very difficult to listen to,  I still can’t believe how positive she was on the podcast about her view of the world, but also how much work she has to do in order to deal with these things.  

Only since coming to the UK has she been able to confront her past, with the help of therapy, and its heart breaking to think that she was pretty alone in Russia, left to deal with these memories. For me what she spoke about regarding having the choice to take 2 paths, was amazing way to look at the world. It was pretty inspiring to hear that, and it has left a lasting impression on the way I should view situations. 

From a personal point of view, I’ve also been thinking about how we reacted to the revelation.   I’ve been proud that our work has involved mentoring, listening to young people, and being a mental health advocate.  This podcast is a journey for Jez, and I, as much as it is for anyone speaking on it, or listening to it.    So I am trying not to beat myself up too much, but I also can’t deny that it has made me re-think things a little.  

Asking our guests about their life experiences, and mental health, it's possible that we have taken these things too lightly, and had never considered that asking serous questions, may well get some serious answers.   Our reactions to Polina’s life and about the abuses she suffered, were 100% human reactions.  There was no pre-knowledge, no editing, and it took us totally by surprise.  We just didn’t know what to say, and in hindsight there are loads of things that we would have asked, and I would have had had more empathy.   I can’t believe that I didn’t say I was sorry for her experience, instead weirdly I rubbed her back. 

This podcast is only 3 episodes long, and it's already got me questioning should we do this? Why are we doing this podcast? And do we need to be better people?

I need to be better in what I do working with mental health and my natural reactions to life revelations.. It is very easy to preach away on instagram about ‘we are here to help you’, but not walk the walk.  I’m hoping that the more experience I get, the better I will be as a person.    You could hear how relieved we were to go back to the list, and talk about fashion. I think safe ground was our natural go to reaction to what we had heard. I’m not sue what you think, but this is my feeling when listening back. 

 We put the podcast out just as it happened, it's authentic and natural.

I am hoping to meet up with Polina again for a coffee, and to talk more about her life, away from the microphone. She’s inspiring and  hope some of her positivity will spread around the coffee shop. (If they’re not closed down because of corona virus)   I just hope that anyone reading this, listening to the podcast, or interested will send her positive vibes, and check out one of her gigs in the future. 

A lot to take in this week.